Saturday, December 23, 2006
The now headless Gordon Brown receives an asbo and a restraint order preventing him from being within 300 yards of your favourite blogger after an altercation in an Islington restaurant when I invite him to become the third member of the Failed Intellectuals Society. As the Great Fog lifts in June to reveal 200,000 Bulgarians, Michael Jackson and Tom Hanks camped on the Heathrow runways, Kim Jong-Il, fearful that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is in danger of claiming the new Nobel Evil Bastard Prize, kills and eats a puppy in a CNN special prior to strangling Larry King with his braces (supenders?). In the interests of peace, Nigella Lawson, Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall and Gordon Ramsay offer their own puppy recipes on a 24-hour telethon in aid of Bulgarians left behind in Bulgaria. Kofi Annan calls for a diplomatic solution. Saddam Hussein, just before his execution by his preferred method of being pelted with Kurds, is visited by a tearful Donald Rumsfeld. American invades Iran because it's right next to Iraq and Afghanistan. Kofi Annan calls for a diplomatic solution. As Microsoft Vista is withdrawn for another five years when it is found not to work on computers. Google takes over Canada, intending to take Seattle from the north. President Ahmadinejad appeals for calm.
Posted by Bryan Appleyard at 8:39 am