Sunday, February 25, 2007

Britney: I Think I Have the Answer

With bald Britney now rumoured to be on suicide watch, the time has come for some out-of-the-box thinking about the poor girl's condition. Personally, I'm pretty sure we could get her over this hump by putting her in an earthquake simulator. Sitting in a small, prefabricated house on top of a 'shake table' has been found to reduce the symptoms of post-traumatic stress suffered by 'quake survivors. Psychologists know this method as 'progressive desensitisation'. If Britney were to sit in the simulator surrounded by people telling her she was very clever and talented and wonderful, then, after a few days, she would emerge immune to the blandishments of fame and, in addition, completely unafraid of earthquakes. Chuck a clown in there and any traces of coulrophobia would also be eliminated.

5 comments:

  1. Or perhaps a virtual reality with "realistic street scenes, sounds and odours".

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  2. A bit glib, Bryan. Funny, but glib. We are talking about another human being here. Someone who is clearly in distress that her career is on the rocks and is desperate for the world to take pity on her and give her another chance because really she is very talented and not just some manufactured, sexualised commodity who hasn't an ounce of talent and will do almost anything to get her stupid face in the papers or on tv (and of course, as we all know, nothing sells quite like a bit of rehab on the cv as it gives the artiste street-cred and allows them to relaunch their career and attract a more mature, edgy audience who will appreciate her suffering because they have suffered too). Give her a break.

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  3. sb (opposite of bs)February 25, 2007 3:24 pm

    I feel very sorry for her, personally. How far she's fallen since her wholesome girlhood. I remember an ad she starred in many years ago where Bob Dole is watching her on TV and she's so cute and perky, even his dog starts barking.

    Must be a sign of the times, however, that her meltdown -- by her own choice -- was so utterly public. She wanted everyone to see her implode, just as everyone saw her rise. Supernova Spears. But I'm sure what she deserves is pity, even though (obviously) the stuff she's done invites mockery.

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  4. I feel sorry for her. But I am sick of the interminable therapeutic attitudes surrounding these people, the ghoulish fun in seeing them destroyed. That's what I was getting at.

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  5. I wish the media parasites would just leave her alone. I'm actually sick of this whole Heat generation. WHSmith stores across the land are bursting at the seems with God-awful trash filled magazines (and red-top newspapers) focusing on drunken exploits of x, who sh*gged y and what z(-list) is wearing this week. Give me strength!

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