Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Random Post with Flashing Squid

In the venerable tradition of my previous free associative and random posts, the dawn-posting grandee feel the needs to issue a news bulletin. First, obviously, is the great news that Jeff's statues have been found. Said 'Lord' and 'Lady' Archer, apparently in unison, 'We are absolutely delighted that our stolen works of art have been recovered.' The more I look at that sentence, the more I feel there is some irony involved. Never mind. Squid, it seems, emit blinding flashes of light to disorientate their victims and the British are worse at looking after their children than almost anybody else. I like to think we're toughening them up for the squid-infested waters of adulthood. Meanwhile, my ignorance of politics is once again exposed by the fact that I didn't know there was a Republican contender called Mitt. Mitt? Why? Perhaps it's because he did such a great job of running the 2002 Salt Lake City Winter Olympics where, of course, he wore mittens. But, best of all, the footballer who talked sense has been accused by ashen-faced Portsmouth manager Harry 'Swollen Face' Redknapp of deliberately trying to injure Portuguese maestro Pedro Mendes. Swollen Face has circumstantial evidence on his side. In a previous game, another Manchester City player, Ben Thatcher, knocked Mendes out with what many said was the worst foul of the decade. Plainly this Mendes can be very irritating to the boys in blue. Even more ashen-faced City manager Stuart 'Psycho' Pearce denied the charge and Redknapp, suffering what seems to have been a further rush of blood to his already swollen head, said, 'I would rather give money to the Leukemia busters than to the FA.' Hmmmm. That's the way it is this morning. And now over to Blondie with the weather.

5 comments:

  1. Mediocre football managers tend to be ashen-faced. Successful ones tend to be po-faced. Politicians, of course, are two-faced. Their adisors are faceless. Journalists have a reputation for being shit-faced. But let's face it, you can take nothing at face-value.

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  2. As vacuous, misleading reports go, that Child Well-Being one will take some beating.

    I note that the scruffy street urchins, chimney sweeps and powder-monkeys of the UK (and the US) come bottom; while those usual teacher's pets, Holland, Sweden and Denmark come top of the class. I blame George Bush! And Thatcher.

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  3. snowed-in philadelphianFebruary 14, 2007 3:20 pm

    Speaking of squid: I recently read that if a squid emits its ink in an aquarium, it will kill everything in said aquarium, including itself.

    Self-inkolation. I've seen some bloggers do it, too. But not you, Bryan, thank heavens!

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  4. One of those squids latched onto my ship. I saw the flash, but I imagined it was the bosun lighting his pipe. Took my leg off before I took the axe to its tentacles. Fried 'em up, but in the end the crew were sick of so much giant calamari.

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