Tuesday, April 10, 2007

I Know Americans Are Fat 3: Top Gear

Some elements of, shall we say, inclemency broke out among the comments to my posts I Know Americans Are Fat 1 and 2. In an attempt to ease tempers, I shall draw attention to an entirely amiable transatlantic tale. Top Gear is to become an American show with the same three presenters reviewing American cars. There, what could be nicer than that? Oh, hang on. Nobody seems to have mentioned one tricky little problemette. Jeremy Clarkson thinks, to a rough approximation, that all American cars are crap. In my experience, he is not entirely wrong, though I do seem to remember a bearable Buick LeSabre. Anyway, let's not get into a row about that one.

18 comments:

  1. Erin O'Brien (of Fat II fame), you rock. And, Ms. Baroque, Brits & Europeans love American jokes 'causes they can't believe we're the head of the world's hegemony when there are so many morons among us....

    But, honestly, Bryan, y'all have got your fair share of morons too. Tell you what: If you all will tell some jokes on yourselves (and usually, you're brill at this), we Americans will be happy to tell a few about ourselves. I grew up in the American South; I've got *plenty*.

    By the way, vis-a-vis cars: we have restrictive speed limits in the States. There's no use having a Jaguar you can't drive over 45 mph. Although I did once own a Triumph TR-4 I was rather fond of. It had a Russian tractor engine and a hole in the floorboards through which I could watch the asphalt rush by.

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  2. Christ almighty.

    I come over here to see if you're goddamn well talking about me like you should be, and try to read your effing post, but there's so many goddamn flashing ads all over the goddamn place that I can't hardly read a goddamn thing.

    I am no way watching that Top Gear shit.

    Does anyone have a picture of Tony Blair's dick? Please forward it ASAP.

    Oh yeah, I'm a housewife.

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  3. At least it's only the ads that are flashing. As for anti-British jokes... working on it

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  4. Perhaps Clarkson et al will be reviewing cars sold in the USA, not necessarily cars made by American-owned companies. Toyota are expected to pass the North American sales of both Ford and GM in 2007.

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  5. "I have big tits and I drive a Mini Cooper. Everything I say is right.

    Now eff off." - Erin O'Brien

    Madam, and I'm weeping with joy as I say this, you are a GODDESS.

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  6. Phew! It's okay Bryan, I don't drive. Anyway, doesn't everybody hate Jeremy Clarkson?

    And who is Michael Smith? Is he a Top Gear presenter?

    Erin, I'm glad you're being deified: I just hope it's not like Jessica Lange in the 1970s remake of King Kong...

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  7. Everybody loves the loudmouth boor stereotype, Ms Baroque.

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  8. That may have been a bit harsh on Clarkson. At the very least one must respect the, perhaps even considerable, achievements of someone burdened through life with the name Jeremy.

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  9. I've discovered this morning that Jeremy Clarkson and I share a birthday! (Yes, it's today.)

    So I can't say much, can I.

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  10. Um, Brit, the "curate's egg" is hardly a joke on Brits unless you mean to say British folk are lickspittle suckups. But it *is* a strictly English joke, I give you that. The first time I heard the phrase I had to have it explained to me by Maxine of Petrona (and Surrey).

    You see, it's much more fun for you to aim the barbs at us than at yourselves. S'okay. Je comprends.

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  11. Susan:

    On the contrary. The curate's egg is the Daddy of all self-mocking jokes against the English.

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  12. Susan: a fuller explanation here.

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  14. I seem to remember last time the top gear team went to america they were nearly stoned to death by some inbred rednexs, and for once it didn't look staged.

    Not only does jeramy Clarkson think american cars are crap, he often refers to americans as thick, obese morons. In my experience of americans they don't take kindly to having the piss taken out of them,not even in a jokey way. I wonder if they edit out his american insults when top gear is aired on BBC america. Judging by their golden globe success I assume they were.

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  15. Yeah it's me Patrick son of your good friends maureen and john. You told me about your blog last time you were round and i just got round to seeing it the other day. Some interesting topics. I will make sure i read it more regulary.

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  16. I wonder how one goes about removing the piss from an American.

    Aha!

    Seems I'm in luck. The esteemed Mr. Ellis is here. Do tell, Mr. Ellis! Do you just squeeze the dickens out of one of us until we begin to leak?

    Charming. Charming, charming, charming.

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