Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Having risen consistently throughout my first blogging year, traffic on this site has been on a plateau for three months. It is far higher than I ever imagined it could be, but this is not good enough. I am a junkie, I need hits. I am considering, therefore, a series of tabloidesque, circulation-grabbing devices. The amazing Frank Harris when editing the Evening News said readers wanted 'kissing and fighting.' There was also a joke about every story needing religion, sex, celebrity and mystery. Thus the perfect story was, ''My God,' said the Duchess, 'I'm pregnant. Who dunnit?'' Free DVDs that nobody ever wanted to watch in the first place seem to be the current solution for declining newspaper sales, but it's not working and, anyway, I don't think I can be bothered. I don't have any staggering revelations about Princess Diana and Big Brother seems to be adequately covered elsewhere. I don't go to the right parties so kissing and fighting are beyond me. I do religion and celebrity, but the former too seriously and the latter too flippantly. I don't like to rant because I have few fixed opinions - probably, in fact, none. Politicians I've never heard of - and most I have - bore me rigid. My only message to the world is taken from Hill Street Blues - 'Hey, let's be careful out there!' - and I am widely, though wrongly, regarded as having the world view of Marvin the Paranoid Android - 'I think you ought to know I'm very depressed.' My deepest interests, meanwhile, have all the circulation-grabbing power of a fire at the print works. I am stymied. The plateau - 'There ain't nothing on the top but a bucket and a mop/ And an illustrated book about birds.' - is where I must belong. But, at least, the company consists of none but the best and brightest.
Posted by Bryan Appleyard at 5:51 am