Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Drink Yourself Fit

You may remember - how could you forget? - my post on the politics of alcohol. The comments that ensued established beyond doubt that certain drinks carry clear ideological baggage. The most obvious example being the half of shandy that turns you at once into a LibDem and the grappa that turns you into Pol Pot. Now, we learn, wine in general may turn you into Mr Irritatingly Healthy and Smart. Brain cells, contrary to popular mythology, are not irreplaceable and up to four glasses of wine a day may have 'a positive effect on brain health'. Furthermore, wine destroys dental plaque. A few more stories like this and someone will produce The Alcohol Workout: Stay Drunk, Stay Healthy or The 12 Drink Way to a New You. Meanwhile, the poor topers who thought drinking was an enjoyable and socially responsible act of self-destruction will have to take to hard drugs or even teetotalism. 

14 comments:

  1. not irreplaceable, you say? have I been saving my cells in vain? here they are in a jar on my mantelpiece.

    okay, wise guy, how do the little memories get from the dying cell to the new one without me realizing?

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  2. They just do. It's why Parkinson's may be treatable with stem cells.

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  3. I think the people who write about this subject are piss heads. Its a bit like that weather clock on Trumpton or whatever: oh look, wine's good, oh look, wine's bad, oh look, wine's good...

    oh look make your firkin mind up, brain doctor!

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  4. It's funny how we can accept they just do, yet when we are asked to consider whether god makes the little green apples....

    ah, forget it!

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  5. I heard Parky on Sunday talking about wearing ties out of respect and I think he's beyond treatment. He's from Yorkshire, apparently.

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  6. Good grief! Is Parky from Yorkshire? Are you sure? He's kept that very quiet... His ties aren't good - he should go for an image change and join Nicholas Parsons in the ranks of the Cravat Revanchists.
    As for the 12 Drink Way to a New You, I've read that. I think. Can't remember...

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  7. Sure you have, Nige, but only the first chapter. You remember, it's the one where they advised you to admit you were helpless and surrender to a higher power.

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  8. booze, by killing weaker brain cells, encourages the hardier survivors to breed with each other, producing interesting & unkillable offspring. This is why it's so hard to kill drunk people.

    Falstaff meditated on the wit-inducing, and raging phallus power-induced, powers of 'sack' back in Henry IV, part 2.

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  9. I gave up the booze some time ago. I don't regret that, because now I'm fascinating all day. But I think I'll continue smoking until the inevitable happens: it is discovered that one cigarette is, in actual fact, not cancer-inducing, but healthier than a bowl of All-Bran.

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  10. Susan B., dropping by,July 11, 2007 3:38 pm

    Studies (mostly smothered here in tobacco-hating America) have shown that smokers don't get Alzheimer's, Neil. I think I told you that, didn't I? (I don't smoke, so my memory isn't very good.)

    As for drinking, the study about its benefits to rats depended on their ingesting about 100 times their body weight. Even Falstaff couldn't handle that. And, by the way, I rather think his staff would be at half-mast or lower if he drinks so much. Alcohol is no friend to the phallus, Elberry.

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  11. The English have a miraculous power of turning wine into water.

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  12. History of ties.

    Wikipedia dates them back to 1660ish. I seem to remember, but can't substantiate it, an idea that they originated as a badge of pride from survivors of Genghis Khan - dragged along behind the Mongol horde by a lariat around the neck. Have my brain cells deserted me ?

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