Monday, July 23, 2007
Addressing the nation from a Royal Navy frigate moored at Stonehenge, the Queen evoked the spirit of the Blitz and urged people not to panic buy at the branch of Tesco that has been hastily assembled on the summit of Ben Nevis. Meanwhile, housing minister Yvette Cooper-Balls, speaking from her Toyota Prius bathyscaphe off the Pennine coast, said she was grateful to Kevin Costner for his advice on conserving soil, underwater housing and the evolution of gills. Boris - the Tory's answer to John Prescott - said that, as Mayor of London, he would be relocating his offices to Zermatt and promised that the bloated body of his predecessor, Ken, would lie in state on a barge drifting aimlessly in the Hampstead Deeps. Gordon Brown cannot, at this point, be found. Meanwhile, the Met office says that, once the jet stream relocates itself to the north, the tourist industry of the British Isles - a sun-kissed archipelago off the coast of Switzerland - will boom. Breaking News: Gordon Brown still cannot be found.
Posted by Bryan Appleyard at 6:33 am