Saturday, September 29, 2007

The Notting Hill Years

I have been a bad blogger. The problem is the move. I shall never do it again. I shall be taken out of this flat in a box. The coffin will be picked up by Selfridge's and delivered to an old lady in Tooting who ordered four garden chairs. And - I may as well come clean - I now live in Notting Hill, though I have not yet filed for citizenship. Apparently I need a thorough knowledge of bad novels written within half a mile of the tube station. I am already getting used to avoiding the herds of wild estate agents that gallop and howl in the streets and the groovy couples maddened with indecision at the fish shop where they sell sea bass at £963 a kilo. But I shall adapt, though the Bayswater ageing rocker wardrobe will have to go. I am thinking neo-seventies - flares, suede jacket, silk scarf, that kind of thing. I can't get used to the food and I may have kleftiko shipped in from the Halepi, the excellent though eccentric Bayswater Greek patronised by Branson, Nige and others. Meanwhile, I shall watch out for Hugh Grant and report my first sighting here. But now I must go for my first language lesson.

16 comments:

  1. I hope this move will increase the use of 'heck' and 'gosh' on this blog.

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  2. wait for de car-nee-val time! then your costume will go down a treat.

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  3. The last time I saw Notting Hill - not the movie... my eyes seize up any time they see Hugh Grant - it was a very pleasant area. Of course that was more than 20 years ago although it probably hasn't changed very much. I hope you enjoy your stay there.

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  4. It has been a year since I wrote to David Cameron asking him to come clean on my book, "Dead Men Don’t Eat Lunch" (www.lulu.com/content/384105), and its ground-breaking “Cash-from-Arms” allegations (www.conservativecampaign.com) that both Conservative and New Labour Governments, in the past 25 years, have received huge kickbacks from UK arms sales.

    And what a year it has been!

    The mainstream media are, slowly but surely, playing catch up with the main thrust of "Dead Men," right down to describing the same money channels through the Bank of England. All they need now are the hidden money trails into the two political parties themselves – the details of which are to be found only in "Dead Men."

    David Cameron himself acknowledged the veracity of the arms corruption claims in "Dead Men" by posting my letter to him on his new web-site, WebCameron. Well, that is until the BAe scandal promised to make a bad year even worse, and Cameron’s staff expunged it – oops!

    Not to worry, former Conservative Deputy Prime Minister, Michael Heseltine, stepped to the crease, and confirmed the contents of "Dead Men," in so far as they related to arms corruption in the Conservative Party.

    Norman Baker, the Liberal M.P. who alleged in his book that government bio-scientist David Kelly did not commit suicide, has agreed to undertake his own investigation into the circumstances of Hugh Simmonds’ death. One major TV production company is in talks to create a documentary. And an American screenwriter is working on the movie.

    Publication of "Dead Men" has caused others to come forward with verifiable information of their own – including the fact that Conservative Shadow Secretary of State for Defence, Liam Fox, signed Simmonds’ death certificate.

    Meanwhile, a new source has opened up within MI6 itself. Which is bad news for both Gordon Brown and David Cameron, neither of whom have any immediate plans to stop the flow of illicit arms bribes into their parties’ coffers.

    So, stay tuned (www.geoffgilson.blogspot.com) as the noose tightens this coming year on the “Cash-from-Arms” sales scandal. Have a Happy Conference!

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  5. Well, thanks, Geoff, that is interesting and right on the topic of my move. Gosh. Heck.

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  6. Is it true, Bryan, that Hugh Grant has been signed to star in the Bryan Appleyard biopic?

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  7. No, Frank, I turned him down. I'm still trying to get Cary Grant but he is dead.

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  8. Gosh, Bryan, you'd best check the new basement and make sure there aren't any arms cached in there. Heck, there may even be a secret money trail to the vaults of the Bank of England. If you discover any unmarked banknotes, those are mine. I dropped a few on my way when I bumped into Cary down there. Let me know if you do, and I'll send you a deposit slip for my Swiss account.

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  9. Oh, almost forgot - congrats on the successful move. Very nice central location. Many stairs? Any chance of you going on holiday at the end of June? Leave a key under the mat if you do and I promise to water your plants while you're gone.

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  10. Holiday? What's a holiday? Plants die if I look at them

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  11. Don't worry Bryan you're perfectly safe - you're actually in Kensington - Chesterton country. Fix your eyes South (or indeed East or West) and never North and you'll be all right.

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  12. How come it is always everybody else that receives kickbacks from arms sales? Never me. What am I doing wrong?

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  13. "How come it is always everybody else that receives kickbacks from arms sales? Never me. What am I doing wrong?"

    Selling recoilless rifles?

    Sorry. Could't resist.

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