Wednesday, October 17, 2007
I don't believe it. Here I am in the middle of Canada - well, more to the left, in fact - I find a wi-fi connection and Sky News and, at once, I discover Blighty has gone to the dogs in my absence. You appear to have mislaid the leader of the Libdems, ageing crooner Bing Campbell. And why? Because you would not stop discussing his socks. 'People write articles on what kind of socks I wear,' said Bing. Well, I've often wondered myself - not the great Muji 90 degree socks, I suspect, possibly something by Timberland - but we really must keep things in perspective. Meanwhile, the moment I landed in the middle-left of Canada you all became incredibly fat. Most people will be obese by 2050, at which point, of course, we will need to redefine obesity. Anything above 25 stone for a man and 20 for a woman would be fine. Out here in middle-left Canada, of course, nobody's fat and they all wear Timberland socks. They keep thin by taking trucks apart and putting them back together again. I have driven through miles of emptiness interrupted only by houses surrounded by trucks in various states of dismemberment. Whatever floats their boat, I suppose.
Posted by Bryan Appleyard at 10:07 am