Friday, December 21, 2007

Harman and the Sex Robots

Harriet Harman wishes to make paying for sex illegal. There are grey areas here. Does, for example, a nice dinner count? Perhaps the best way round the problem is to make paying for sex compulsory. At least we'd all know where we stood and stay-at-home housewives would feel they had a proper job. Whatever sex 'road map' we choose, it will be a temporary expedient. In a few years, robots will be available for sex. Some, my young friends tell me, already are.

17 comments:

  1. Once again they appear to have it in for the man in the street...

    Anyway, robot sex! - aka assisted masturbation. I want to see Dr. Levy's picture. I want to see if he looks like the scientist in the Simpsons or Woody Allen. Alas, his profile isn't yet high enough to provide a vizog.

    ''Another reason people are more likely to fall in love is if they know the other person likes them, and that's programmable too.''

    Is he talking about the robot or its human partner?!

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  2. i see these robots on the streets, in their miniskirts. i know they are robots (or replicants, if you prefer) because they do not understand Keats and they do not feel the cold. They can also drink superhuman quantities of alcohol without dying.

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  3. That housewives quip could land you in hot water. At least, around my neck of the woods it would be a hanging offence.

    A sex 'road map'? That sounds awkward. Couldn't we just ask for directions if we get lost?

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  4. Massachusetts eh? A curious detail... A Robot Sex Primary perhaps?

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  5. "Not tonight, dear. I have a virus."

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  6. A woman’s vagina is an amalgam of chemistry and biology, of taste and flavour that deter and attract simultaneously. Its various aromas, scents and biological reverberations are very cunning and entirely irresistible. It is a scandal that the Government should ever question why a high-class seduction expert like myself should be worth five-hundred quid an hour. Deprived of sex themselves, they regarded all those who are getting it with extreme resentment. In this world you get what you pay for, Harriet. Sure I get plenty of dope. But what do you expect? If I have to sleep with any stupid, overpaid, pig-faced, slavering, sex-mad imbecile, I might as well get paid for it. I’m telling you it’s not all song, dance and playing with foreskins. I am under a lot of pressure here. And all men, at any rate, are potential rapists.

    Libido prohibited becomes libido perverted! The more vile and murderous the better.

    Sometimes I wish they would put their penises away and do something useful. As I said to Dick Madeley the other day, I am sick and tired of ending up with a dick in my mouth every time I leave the house. Alright, I am not married to a bond dealer and I do not have a full-time housekeeper. But that does not mean I am unconventional. I am a child of progress, gentlemen. A female who might go down into dirt, but whoring for me is an informed career choice....


    I suppose this may all sound a bit unconventional, but dammit I am entitled to an opinion of my own....

    Dreamy

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  7. £500/hour, crikey, it's gone up. In Bradford, it's a fiver for a 3-minute shuffle against a barn door.

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  8. High class seduction expert Selena? Any tips?

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  9. Well I'm off for another cold shower...

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  10. Okay, am I right that Selena Dreamy is another of Bryan's alters?

    As for sex with robots, the idea of gettin' it on with someone who won't break your heart has been around a long time. I give you farmers and domestic animals from time immemorial. More recently, see movie with Ryan Gosling, "Lars and the Real Girl."

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  11. Harriet Harman?!

    On first seeing her photograph I realized she was insane. After consultation with a distinguished Harley Street pathologist, my view was confirmed with the added proviso that she does not want to prohibit sex so much as lecture the nation on the evils of being male, having a penis and wearing no condom. He then demanded that I should alert all my readers to the dangers of prudery and of overestimating the conscious components of the male psyche at the expense of the instincts. In fact, I will have you know that more alcohol was consumed in total in America during Prohibition than had been consumed in an equivalent period before the ban.

    I can only reiterate, libido prohibited is libido perverted.

    Am I exaggerating? Quite the contrary. In the spirit of confidentiality, this is just foreplay. But when you hire a woman in my line of work it is rather like renting a rubber-doll. One of my broken arms is much improved now, and I still have the use of my left eye. But then, I have never failed to provide a sexual deviation that Harriet Harman had already heard of. This notwithstanding, our behaviour is pre-programmed. By the time an English toddler reaches the age of twelve he or she will have watched some 50.000 acts of fornication. The more vile and murderous the better. There are too many pornographic videos in the UK and too many perverts having hold of them. So why not enforce a prohibition on the sale of videos and oblige all women to wear the veil.

    A society in thrall to sex and the cult of pornography — no matter how rational, enlightened, emancipated — is a society perverted. And prostitution is an integral part of pornographic society!

    Like Nietzsche said, I’m a decadent. But only I know this. But then, I never said I was the Virgin Mary. I am just a little girl, afraid of the dark...

    Dreamy

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  12. Selena, your words are truth, even if you do have tentacles and 10 heads.

    Prudes are fake good people. Put them to the test and they don't know jack about morality. They can bullshit about it all day but they can't act on it.

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  13. It should be noted that this legislation is following the example of Sweden. I've never really thought of the Scandinavians as sexually repressed...

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  14. What more to the point could be said about an historically nebulous socio-political organization which creates idols in the image of public spending, but which has neither visions nor dreams to add?

    Dreamy

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  15. Doesn't every man pay for sex in some way? Its just that some are on contract while others opt to 'pay as you go'.

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