Friday, April 04, 2008

Mugabe Survives End of Universe

These are momentous times. Naomi Campbell has been handcuffed on a plane. I note that she chose to wear a baseball cap to conceal her features from the snappers. This is the preferred style of celebrity arrestees as it does not fully conceal and gives the paps just enough to leave them begging for more. Ordinary types tend to favour a blanket or coat. Meanwhile, Blair has decided to do God in the midst of his post-prime ministerial idyll. God is said to be flattered and delighted. And, finally, if you think the Large Hadron Collider will destroy the world if not the universe, then you are, apparently, a moron. So that's it then, we've got less than a year left. Morons, 'brights', supermodels and ex-prime ministers will be consumed by the soft whoosh of a phase transition in the cosmic background energy or vacuum metastability disaster. A kinder, gentler cosmos will replace the one we know and feel distinctly ambivalent about. Zimbabwe, however, will remain much the same.

14 comments:

  1. For Spitting in a mans face. I hope they will throw the book at her. And I'm thinking more of the old style anger-management, where three months should make her think before doing it again.

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  2. I think I agree, Vince, she does appear to be low-life pure and simple

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  3. Oh, the Guardian published the wrong headline! it should've read,

    Blair Says Religion is a ''Packet of Trouble''.

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  4. I assume that my interossiter is now redundant. Onto the good ship EBay it goes.

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  5. I thought that you were the repository of all things extra terrest, i'm onto page 155 at the moment.
    The communications wotsit used by the ETs in the movie I can't, for the life of me, remember the name of at the moment, but the baddies all looked like blonde Tintins and melted cave walls (Naomi's ancestors?)
    Would the BA name remembering committee please help.

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  6. Ha! Malty! This Island Earth (shouts the usually quiet boy at the back, gets a nod from the teacher but puzzled, resentful scowls from 'the lads').

    Best monster in tailor-cut trousers since...
    Naomi Campbell!

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  7. Alien would have looked scarier in slacks!

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  8. Naomi Campbell, missing luggage and Terminal 5 - the perfect storm. And Blair's no Obama is he? More like a manifesto for Noo Religion, a la Noo Labour.

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  9. I have a problem Bryan and it's called hitting the exclamation mark k!ey in my giddy enthusiasm (& it's not always Friday so I can't use that as an excuse [the glues?]). Please edit them ou!t and write a post on how usually unnecessary they are, a scourge indeed and how they kill a joke dead by SIGNALLING IT! A masterclass indeed.

    P.S. Why is your clock out?

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  10. Snakepit, Yo! you mah main man.

    PS..try a linux keyboard, available in Braille

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  11. Do you realise what a sad bunch of bastards we are ?

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  12. Don't be too hard on the girl. here are men who would pay good money to be spat at by a supermodel.

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  13. Should be 'There are men...', not here, with me, right now.

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