Monday, October 27, 2008

Inmate takes over asylum

posted by Brit, in Bryan's absence

Bad luck: you've got the substitute. Bryan is taking a rest to allow his Blogger's Elbow to recover, and is leaving me in charge of Thought Experiments for a few weeks. I am deeply honoured. Those non-bloggers amongst you can have no appreciation of just how big a deal it is to leave your site in the hands of another. To get an idea, try to imagine the feeling of entrusting your beloved only child to the care of a stranger for a month, then multiply it by a billion.

Now, I'm something of a veteran these days - this being my third blog - but nonetheless I can't deny a certain thrill of stepping out onto the 'big stage'. Never before have I been faced with quite such a large audience of intellectuals, misanthropes and eccentrics. I feel like a semi-pro footballer who, after years of slogging around the foot of the Ryman's League Third Division, suddenly finds himself playing for a club, say, near the top of the Ryman's League First Division.

Naturally, Bryan has left a vast and detailed set of Blogsitter's Instructions magnetstuck to the fridge for me, and naturally I will ignore them. I am, however, well aware of my duties, which may be summarised as follows:

First, do no harm. That is, at least do not leave Thought Experiments in a worse state than would be the case had it merely been silent for three weeks.
Second, do not libel Jeffrey Archer.
Third, do not be so brilliant that the readers refuse to allow the host to return.

The first two present tough challenges. I'm not too worried about the third, and obviously neither is Bryan since he has insisted that I clearly indicate that my posts are not written by him. Rest assured, then, that all posts marked 'by Brit' are by me and only me and do not represent the views of Bryan Appleyard. If something I say offends or annoys you, please do not email your vile and ignorant abuse to Bryan. Nor, for that matter, to me. If you have to send it to someone, for goodness sake let it be Jeffrey.

So I have my blogsitting duties, but remember: it is also incumbent on you, the loyal Thought Experiments reader, to carry on contributing with your wise, witty and consoling comments. So just because you're lumped with the weird, tweed-sporting substitute teacher while Mrs Appleyard goes off to have a baby, you still have to behave. Bryan will be watching. In turn, I will do my best to keep you entertained with thought-provoking, topical and penetrating posts. Failing that, I can always fall back on links to The Onion and caption competitions. Don't worry, it's not for long...

13 comments:

  1. A baby!!!??? WTF! Do you know something I don't?

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  2. Oh Good Lord, you weren't supposed to find out this way...

    No, I think it's perfectly obvious that 'Mrs Appleyard' is a metaphor for you, and 'have a baby' is a metaphor for 'not be here'.

    You can breathe again.

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  3. Heehee. So, Brit, what is your favorite book? And who is your favorite poet (excluding yourself, of course)?

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  4. Brit, if you're holding the fort I hope we can look forward to some juicy stuff, AKA what you found in the Appleyard desk drawer etc, etc. We won't tell a soul, honestly.

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  5. Der Bryan is dead. Long live Der Bryan! I, for one, welcome our new tweed-sporting overlord.

    Best wishes for the next few weeks. And I hope Bryan has a good break and enjoys himself.

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  6. Thanks Mark. I would, Malty, but the swine has hidden the keys somewhere. And Susan: Ulysses and Morrissey, of course.

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  7. Good luck, Brit! It'll be fun. At least, with Appleyard, you won't have a cat to put out. Be sure to invite us all to a big party the night before he gets back...

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  8. You do the monster-spawning then Brit. And do ignore meaningless comments.

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  9. Good luck Brit!

    And in this hand-over, I can detect evidence of all three of Homer Simpson's little sentences to get you through life:

    1) "Cover for me!" (Bryan to Brit yesterday)
    2) "Oh, good idea boss!" (Brit to Bryan yesterday)
    3) "It was like that when I got here!" (Brit to Bryan three weeks hence).

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  10. Okay, well write something already!

    [/fingers drumming on table]

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  11. Excellent start! Coolest blog in the known universe.

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