Monday, February 23, 2009

Frozen Hearted

So I go into Ryman to buy some, you know, stuff, the sort of stuff that can only really be described as stuff. The girl at the checkout wants me to spend another £1 on a Red Nose Day pen. How can I refuse? 'You could give it to your grandson or granddaughter,' she says brightly in an attempt to warm my heart. The organ in question freezes solid.

16 comments:

  1. I blame the diet. Go on. Have a doughnut. You know you want to.

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  2. Never doubt the power of observation of those at the checkout face of the retail trade, go with the flow man, the flow, so buy a Stannah lift.

    Is it really red nose time again? life has just become a series of blurs interspersed with ruddy hooters.

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  3. Currently I find life to be one long series of celebrity dancing competitions interspersed with interest rate cuts.

    T K Maxx are in on this charitable scam too. "Would you like to donate £1 to Comic Relief with this purchase? Or are you a heartless skinflint bastard, sir?"

    Must be very effective, which is the only morality that matters these days.

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  4. Hi Bryan,

    This reminds me of Mark Doty's blog post earlier this month, My Senior Discount. He speaks of being "weak in the knees" instead of the frozen heart.

    What you need now is a 20-something-year-old woman to tell you that age doesn't matter.

    Yours,
    Rus

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  5. A 20-something-year-old womanFebruary 23, 2009 12:51 pm

    Rus,

    Age doesn't matter.

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  6. I wonder why all these 20-something-year-old woman are telling me that age doesn't matter.

    Yours,
    Rus

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  7. My old man recently told of how he got on a bus and an attractive 20-something-year-old woman smiled at him. He smiled back...and then she offered him her seat. He said it was the worst moment of his life.


    -----

    And Rus, I expect it's your unique combination of animal magnetism and impeccable manners.

    Yours,
    Brit

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  8. How strange. I find it remarkably easy to refuse. However, I do like to exude a slight malevolence.

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  9. Having the, some would say good fortune to at a distance, not look my age or indeed anywhere near it some odd episodes have occured. Now and then those burdz of a certain age, marital status and temperature have cast their inspectorial optics over the goods displayed, as the distance between decreases so the realisation dawns. The default defence is either a wink or a cheerfull "how do like" rather than "away with you, brazen hussy."

    Brit, when the pater said "she offered him her seat"........

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  10. What is it that finally gives the game away, Malty? Is it the zimmer frame?

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  11. Let us all spare a thought for clowns and alcoholics with big red noses at this time of year, as it must be painful to be mocked openly in such a way by so called 'charitable donors'. We shouldn't make light of disabilities - I for one will be waiting by the phone to ensure I am first to complain to the BBC should I see Jonathan Ross wearing a red nose.

    yours

    disgusted of tunbridge wells

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  12. Ah Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells, that takes me back... I think... Hard to tell now the memory's more or less shot to pieces. It was that first day of the Somme. Am I boring you?

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  13. Its the bus pass Brit, and how about that Madeley bloke knocking them back, a likely story.

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  14. They offer. I say no. They offer again, I launch into my speech about the anonymity of giving. Reminds me of the episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm when Larry's donation to pay for a galley wing is eclipsed by that of an anonymous donor. Well, I am that anonymous donor. I am Ted Danson...

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  15. you're not old enough to play the remembered card either, Bryan. for short of you at 15 in 1950 - and that is giving you gifted.
    'disgusted of tunbridge wells', is going to the very least of your problems when the insurance Calls for miss selling hits on the Names.
    Jade Goody's kids are going to be better prepared than are your sub-issue when getting into kings.
    In the next number of years, your notions of elitism, will drift just a tad.
    It is always a help, to know that the early greeks could hold poetry and war.

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  16. I think I hear Paul Young singing:

    "What becomes of the frozen hearted,
    who once had warmth that's now departed?

    I know I've got to find
    some kind of peace of mind...
    or maybe it's a melon rind...
    Why am I in this store?
    I forgot what I came here for..." and so on.

    That was fun, actually. Got me humming after a sucky day!

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