Monday, April 20, 2009
I have been sitting in Collins Avenue, Miami Beach, watching the evidence of Detroit's stupidity drive by. Here's the paradox: America makes the most and the worst cars in the world. I have posted before on the Chrysler Sebring as the worst car in the world, but I was too kind. It's the worst machine in the world, its suspension lethal, its gear box laughable. All the most horrible cars I have ever driven have been American. I'm pottering around here in an American Ford Focus which is okay because it was breathed on by Richard Parry Jones, the British genius behind the Mondeo, the greatest car in the world. The spectacle on Collins Avenue was grotesque. One hideous Detroit disaster succeeded another. At one point I saw a Cadillac Escalade followed by a Range Rover. The former was designed by an idiot who wanted everybody to look like a drug dealer who never went round corners, the latter by a genius. Not that anybody else can feel superior, aesthetically at least. Porsche has just launched its Panamera, which looks almost as horrible as the Cayenne, but which, apparently, is designed to appeal to Asians who need a chauffeur. German cars in general have looked terrible since the Mercedes of the early nineties (I think). BMWs are vile, they make me want to be dead. Japanese cars look stupid, not really designed at all. All Land Rovers are lovely and I'd like to like the look of current Jaguars but I don't. Does it matter? Well, yes. Cars are everywhere and they ought to be beautiful, even if they are engineered by imbeciles. The best looking cars on Collins Avenue were the Ford Crown Victoria taxis. Okay, they're horrific on corners, but at least they look as though they know what they're for. People who care about beauty don't notice cars. They should.
Posted by Bryan Appleyard at 11:14 pm